Telling family and friends

When you first tell family and friends about your illness, they will be shocked. Anyone close to you is likely to experience the same feelings as you—the feelings and reactions described in "initial reactions." However, if they have been concerned about your health, like you, they will probably be relieved that at least the cause of your symptoms has been determined and now you can start to receive treatment for them.

When discussing your condition with those close to you, try and make sure you communicate the following to them:

Chronic kidney failure can be treated but not cured. However, treatment—especially transplant—will offer you the possibility of leading a full life and do most, if not all, of the things you did before you were ill.
No one is to blame for the kidney failure—no one should feel guilty about it.
You plan to find out as much as possible about kidney failure and take a positive approach to living with it. You hope you can count on their help and support, and that they too will want to learn more about the condition. Offer to direct them to sources of information.
Your aim is to be positive, but inevitably there will be times when you will be down and depressed. Ask for their support and understanding during these times.
Encourage those close to you to share their feelings with you—you are not the only one who will feel down—they will too, and that is normal. They shouldn't need to try and hide these feelings from you, but explain how they feel so you can keep honest and open communication with each other.
It is a common instinct to try to protect children from facing hard realities, but children—even very young children—realise when their parents are worried about something, especially their health. They often fear the worst, and think a parent is going to die. It is important to reassure them that although the parent has an illness, this can be treated. Do not overload them with too much information, but be sensitive to what they want to know. Do not underestimate their ability to understand, and give them as much simple but true information as they seem to need.
There is lots of help and support available to people with kidney failure, and also to their families and carers. Invite someone close to you to accompany you to your appointments, and meet members of the team at the renal unit , or to come with you to a meeting of your local Kidney Patients Assocation or other support group (see the resources for details). This will give them an opportunity to ask questions of their own and to meet the people who will be playing an important part in your life!

"Many patients have a dread of telling their friends and family that they have kidney failure. It's usually because they feel different about themselves. They therefore expect everyone else to feel differently towards them. Generally, once they've told their loved ones they do feel a sense of relief." - Jo, Renal Nurse

May 1, 2006

Next: Telling employers and colleagues